Primary-colored plastic = my heart's desire.

I am all atwitter.

Bird's first birthday is next week, and today I ordered her Big Present.

This is a weird time for us financially. So far, we've been able to make the payments on the Florida house, but they're not small, and our income's not as big as it was when we were there. We're living with the knowledge that things are Okay Now, but may be Not Okay Soon if the house doesn't sell.

It makes me feel unsteady about my spending decisions. I recently passed up on a $6 clearanced Halloween costume for Gracie at Old Navy, feeling thrifty. (Old Navy is a good 45 minutes away from here.) Then I spent a week and a half regretting the decision. Was it right to not spend the money, or did I miss a chance at a wonderful memory (for us, for her via pictures) by deciding that she'd never remember it anyway? Don't answer that; it's done, and I don't want to know.

Part of my indecision comes from living with my parents and wanting their approval of my spending practices. Nobody, I mean NOBODY, I know is more careful with money than my parents. I respect that, but it is a hard act to follow. Dad reuses paper plates if they're not too dirty, for pete's sake.

Anyway, thinking of the Halloween regret, I decided this week that I really wanted to get Gracie a nice present-- not just a 99 cent book and a new (practical, needed) outfit or two from the consignment shop.

I had money sitting in my PayPal account from selling my grand old 1950s spaceship bike before we moved. Money that was mine, not the household's. Money that, so far, we haven't had to dig into to make our ends meet. I decided to spend some of it on Bird.

I'm realizing that I'm defending and justifying this minor purchase, to myself, by writing this. Amazing.

(I will try to keep this blog from being a wearisome list of purchases and near-purchases and fretting about money and houses. That is a large part of my subconscious these days, though; you've been warned. And I do intend on writing about The House sometime soon. But I'll try to keep it in check.)

Let me refocus. Here's what I want to say:

She is going to LOVE this little vehicle. I can't wait to see her toddling around the house, holding onto its back handle. There is so much joy in buying her little things that she will need or use or learn from or enjoy.

There's fun in bargain hunting, too, which is why visits to the consignment shop and Ebay and even an occasional thrift store have become one of my few active hobbies these days.

But mostly, I wanted to record a new experience for me: I'm getting my thrills off of buying a Little Tikes plastic toy on Ebay.

(It's true. Everything changes when you have a baby.)