Sacred trust.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I kept him out too late last night, visiting with friends while I let him play games on my phone.  His red eyes drooped by the time I scooped him into his booster seat for the quick ride home.  "Thanks, mama," he said, already leaning his head against the side of the seat.  He barely woke up to be carried to bed once we were home.  Sorry, buddy.

 Maybe those missing hours of sleep messed with his sleep cycles.  In the dark of the night, I hear little feet running.  He clambers over his daddy to get to me, and I can hear his short wheezing breaths, feel the tremor in his hands as he tries to get to me.  It's a Bad Dream Night.

"It was a fire," he gasps, and settles his forehead against mine, his little hand still trembling against my cheek, gasping for air-- whether from allergies or panic I'm not sure.  I whisper reassurances with each breath... it's over now, it wasn't real, we're all here together, you can stay here with us... while Daddy goes in search of the inhaler.  A breath or two of the medicine, and a snuggle with me, and he's back to sleep in moments.  Waking up several times through the rest of the night, I always feel his hand, a foot, or his head pressed against me.  Making sure I'm still there.

There is something so unspeakably precious about this time to me, when I am the biggest part of Making It All Better in his little world.  I know it will not always be like this.

Latest obsession.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

I have a private obsession.  Lately at night, after the rest of my family goes to sleep (for my husband has turned into an early bird, and my tendencies are so "night owl" that I almost hoot and hack up pellets), I get something hot to drink, throw the blanket over the grateful dog, and settle in for at least two (but sometimes four) rounds of my addiction.

I am deep into the first season of Parenthood.  I laugh, I cry, I pause the show to get a closer look at the incredible old houses they live in.  Will Sarah ever begin living like she's aware of her worth as a parent and a human being?  When will Adam snap under the pressure from his unsteady work environment, crazy Braverman family, Aspie son, and teenage daughter?  Can Amber keep it together long enough to get into college?  Does Crosby grow up into Awesome Father and Husband or lapse and screw up his amazing good luck in the ready-made-awesome-family department?

Don't answer ANY of those questions.  I realize I am a good four seasons behind the rest of the show's fans.  This is why I mention it on this nearly-dead blog instead of asking my friends if they watch it.

Don't tell me a thing.  I'm going to watch it ALL play out, late at night in a dark room, drinking hot tea next to my snoring dog.