Failing.

Friday, November 17, 2006

I'm sorry, this post-every-day thing has been a total flop. I'm trying, truly. It's not working, but I'm trying and guilting and now I'm posting even though it's past 1am and I really need to sleep.

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I got a flu shot today, being a good little worker bee who Believes the Government that these things are good and helpful, particularly when Living in the Same House with a Small Child. My daughter is also being periodically shot full of vaccinations and such, because I in my heart am a good worker bee who wants to believe in doctors and science and the government and society and all that. Every time we go, I wonder if I'm wrong, and how on earth anyone knows who to believe about this and every other parenting decision.

I mean, really. How do you decide? Cribs are Good. Cribs are Bad. Breastfeed for Years. No, Stop At Twelve Months, You Freak. Time Outs. No, Spanks. Juice. No Juice, Ever. Soft Shoes Help Babies Learn to Walk. Soft Shoes Make Their Feet Misshapen.

It never ends. Guess it's good for my sense of control-- ie, I am never in control, I can't make all the best decisions, even though I want to.

So, we get the shots, and hope we're not giving her ADD or asthma or any other widespread childhood abnormality by doing so. She sleeps in a crib, and wears soft shoes, and doesn't drink juice, and is now being weaned, and I hope that all those things, if not the RIGHT decision, will at least not hurt her. I hope God makes allowances for good intentions in these things, and will catch her and sustain her where we let something slip.

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My dog looks awesome in her sweater. Kinda lumpy and matronly and silly, but nonethless, awesome. And as expected, she loves it. I'll share a picture once the last cuff is sewn on. I bought floofy yarn for the Bird's first sweater last night. Onward!

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Weaning is a sad thing. During the two times a day she's now allowed to suckle, she clings to me fiercely, intent and focused. No more giggles and games and squirming; she values her time there. It breaks my heart a little, because now I'm taking away something she obviously still enjoys. I wish she'd stayed flippant about it.

She has her first runny nose and a fever tonight. Part of me wants to go wake her up and hold her, just out of love and my desire to hear her breathing, but that would be stupid.

Time to go join the sleeping husband. There's a baby monitor down there by the bed; if she needs me, I'll hear her sooner down there than up here, fretting and surfing the internet.

adios.

2 comments:

Anonymous Says:

2:19 PM

AAAAH! I just wrote a comment and then during the signing in process, it was deleted. Makes me insane.

Anyway, I was going to tell you that I am always second guessing myself on what is best for Ashlyn, too. I think all mothers are, really.

Also, Ashlyn was kind of back and forth about the nursing thing. I think she endedup really liking her cup while we were in the midst of weaning, so that helped. When we were down to one nursing session a day, she really seemed ready to be done. I think we just nursed that last week, because I had set a stopping point, and we hadn't reached that date yet.

mysticalfeet Says:

8:10 PM

Y'know, I think occasional, thoughtful posts are better to read than every day laundry lists. Not that you EVER do those; I love your journal.

The barrage of conflicting information out there regarding child rearing is overwhelming. I guess you end up just knowing your baby and trusting your gut and heart for a lot of it, like weaning. The vaccinations are harder to figure out...Socially responsible vs adverse reactions?

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